so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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