then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Even my vagina gasped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
its liver damage thursday
So here I am, sexting at work.
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