Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
