1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
