i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
