this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
