you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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