I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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