And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
