I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Randomize
