We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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