she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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