It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
