Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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