I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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