I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
