I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just google imaged poop.
My pussy is not your playground.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
