You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
