My cat gives me a boner
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
