My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize