He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
