Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
