Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
