i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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