You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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