Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
