When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
