Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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