Cold hands, warm shart.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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