I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
