Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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