so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize