I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
