I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize