If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
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We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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