I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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