Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
