The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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