meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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