also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
