i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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