he puts the penis in happiness.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
