Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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