Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
