Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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