I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
