you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
