: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
