ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
