yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
