Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm experimenting with sincerity
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
