You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
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Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
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Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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