if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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