Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
