My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
