you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize