I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
