i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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