I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
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My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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