After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
