Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
