Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
