my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
