He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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