you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
