I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
