I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
