Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
